Pathways to Happiness
“The fundamental delusion — there is something out there that will make me happy and fulfilled forever.”
– Naval Ravikant
Why do we make it so difficult to be happy ? Perhaps the answer lies in the different pathways we think will lead to happiness. The path most familiar to us is conditional happiness. Conditioned to believe that happiness will arrive only after some future achievement is attained, product is purchased or event occurs, we constantly defer happiness. When I achieve or when I obtain something, then I will be happy. The pleasure that these events, purchases and achievements bring is momentary and once realised, we fixate on the next thing. Like chasing a mirage, it never ends.
Another pathway is directional happiness. Often called delayed gratification, we find happiness from being on a trajectory towards the things we want. By exercising regularly we know that we are improving our health, investing in relationships we know that these relationships are being strengthened, spending less than we earn and investing we know we are generating wealth. Perhaps what Oliver Wendell Holmes meant when he wrote “It is not the place we occupy which is important but the direction in which we move”. This shift allows us to evade the trap of thinking we can only be happy when something in the future is attained, happiness is available to us “enroute”. Whilst it is better than conditional happiness, something external to us is still required.
A better path is unconditional happiness, where we decide that our default is being happy. Nothing more is needed. Richard Branson makes this point in his “letter to a stranger”[i]. “Most people would assume my business success, and the wealth that comes with it, has brought me happiness.” Branson wrote, “But it hasn’t; in fact, it’s the reverse. I am successful, wealthy and connected because I am happy”. If you are thinking it’s easy for a billionaire to declare their unconditional happiness, others in very different circumstances have come to the same realisation.
Thomas Mitchell, a well-educated but humble Scottish farmer[ii], discovered that “One of the best secrets of a happy life is the art of extracting comfort and sweetness from every circumstance”. Mitchell wrote that “People are always looking for happiness at some future time and in some new thing, or some new set of circumstances, in possession of which they some day expect to find themselves. But the fact is, if happiness is not found now, where we are, and as we are, there is little chance of it ever being found. There is a great deal more happiness around us day by day than we have the sense or power to seek and find. If we are to cultivate the art of living, we should cultivate the art of extracting sweetness and comfort out of everything, as the bee goes from flower to flower in search of honey.”
As a young man growing up in Nazi Germany, Eddie Jaku was beaten and taken to Buchenwald concentration camp. After escaping, Eddie was taken to Auschwitz where his parents were both murdered. In 1945 he was sent on a death march but managed to escape again, surviving in a forest cave until he was rescued. After emigrating to Australia to start a new life in 1950, Eddie started a family and had a successful career. At the age of 99, Eddie delivered a TED talk[iii] in which he declared “But I’m standing here today a happy man, who enjoys life with a wonderful wife and a beautiful family. I do not hate anyone. Hate is a disease which may destroy your enemy, but will also destroy you in the process. I’m doing everything I can to make this world a better place for everyone, and I implore you all to do your best too.” After Eddie’s first son was born he “made the promise that from that day until the end of my life, I promised to be happy, smile, be polite, helpful, and kind.” Proclaiming himself as the “The Happiest Man on Earth”, Eddie’s profound distinction was a realisation of what he already possessed — “Happiness does not fall from the sky; it’s in your hands. If you’re healthy and happy, you’re a millionaire.”
[i] Dear Stranger: Letters on the Subject of Happiness, Various, 2015
[ii] Essays on Life, Thomas Mitchell, 2014. Thomas Mitchell (1870–1950) was a farmer in North East Scotland and whose essays were collected as a present for his daughter Margaret.
[iii] A Holocaust survivor’s blueprint for happiness, TEDx May 2019, Eddie Jaku (14th April 1920–12th October 2021)
