Five Powerful Ways to Cultivate Gratitude
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” -Marcus Tullius Cicero
Much has been written about the power of gratitude. According to Wallace Wattles[i] gratitude is a way of connecting with Universal Intelligence -“If it is a new thought to you that gratitude brings your whole mind into closer harmony with the creative energies of the universe, consider it well, and you will see that it is true. The good things you already have have come to you along the line of obedience to certain laws. Gratitude will lead your mind out along the ways by which things come; and it will keep you in close harmony with creative thought and prevent you from falling into competitive thought.” The pioneer of stress research Hans Selye believed “gratitude conserves the vital energies of a person more than any other attitude tested”, even going as far as saying that “gratitude is the most important of all human emotions.” Here are five powerful ways to cultivate gratitude.
1. Thank everyone! Writer A. J. Jacobs[ii] embarked on a journey to thank everyone who helped make his morning cup of coffee. In the course of his project Jacobs ended up thanking more than one thousand people, everyone from the barista to the person who invented the lid on his coffee cup. Jacobs explained “Some people worry that gratitude has a downside. That we’ll be so grateful, that we’ll be complacent. We’ll be so, “Oh, everything’s wonderful, I’m so grateful.” Well, it turns out, the opposite is true. The research shows that the more grateful you are, the more likely you are to help others.” Jacobs encourages “people, friends, family, to follow gratitude trails of their own. Because it’s a life-transforming experience”.
2. Give thanks for someone you have lost. Conductor Benjamin Zander[iii] asks his audience to think of someone beloved whilst he plays a beautiful piece of music (Chopin’s Prelude №4). “And I’ve one last request before I play this piece all the way through.” Zander says, “Would you think of somebody who you adore, who’s no longer there? A beloved grandmother, a lover — somebody in your life who you love with all your heart, but that person is no longer with you. Bring that person into your mind, and at the same time, follow the line all the way from B to E, and you’ll hear everything that Chopin had to say.”
3. Write and deliver a letter of gratitude. The founder of positive psychology Martin Seligman[iv] explains a practise that can promote gratitude and reduce depression for up to a month afterwards — “Close your eyes. Call up the face of someone still alive who years ago did something or said something that changed your life for the better. Someone who you never properly thanked; someone you could meet face-to-face next week. Got a face? Gratitude can make your life happier and more satisfying. When we feel gratitude, we benefit from the pleasant memory of a positive event in our life. Also, when we express our gratitude to others, we strengthen our relationship with them. But sometimes our thank you is said so casually or quickly that it is nearly meaningless. In this exercise … you will have the opportunity to experience what it is like to express your gratitude in a thoughtful, purposeful manner. Your task is to write a letter of gratitude to this individual and deliver it in person. The letter should be concrete and about three hundred words: be specific about what she did for you and how it affected your life. Let her know what you are doing now, and mention how you often remember what she did. Make it sing! Once you have written the testimonial, call the person and tell her you’d like to visit her, but be vague about the purpose of the meeting; this exercise is much more fun when it is a surprise. When you meet her, take your time reading your letter.”
4. Thank those who have helped you. In an acceptance speech Fred Rogers[v] gave thanks to everyone who helped him during his career and asked the audience to do the same — “So many people have helped me to come here to this night. Some of you are here, some are far away and some are even in Heaven. All of us have special ones who loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are, those who cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life. 10 seconds, I’ll watch the time. Whomever you’ve been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they have made.”
5. Feel grateful for being alive. Nassim Taleb pointed out that “We are quick to forget that just being alive is an extraordinary piece of good luck, a remote event, a chance occurrence of monstrous proportions.” By some estimates[vi] the chances of each of us existing are almost zero. In their moving TED talk Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast’s narration accompanies Louie Schwartzberg’s[vii] spectacular time lapse photography. “Do you think this is just another day in your life? Steindl-Rast asks, “It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you: today. It’s given to you. It’s a gift. It’s the only gift that you have right now. And the only appropriate response is gratefulness. If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is, if you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well.”
In his own TED talk[viii] Steindl-Rast reveals the key to happiness. “So it is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy. If you think it’s happiness that makes you grateful, think again. It’s gratefulness that makes you happy.” “Behold the master key to our happiness in our own hands.” Steindl-Rast says, “Moment by moment, we can be grateful for this gift.”
[i] The Science of Getting Rich, Wallace D. Wattles, 1910
[ii] My journey to thank all the people responsible for my morning coffee, A.J. Jacobs, TED June 2018
[iii] The Transformative Power of Classical Music, Benjamin Zander, TED February 2008
[iv] Flourish, A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being, Martin E. P. Seligman, 2012
[v] Lifetime Achievement Award at the 1997 Emmy Awards
[vi] Dr. Ali Binazir estimated the chances of being born are one in 102,685,000
[vii] Nature. Beauty. Gratitude., Louise Schwartzberg, TED June 2011
[viii] Want to be happy? Be grateful, David Steindl-Rast, TED 2013
